Cautious Love

Sometimes God uses incredibly inconspicuous times to lift you up. I am seeking dating more right now and so in a conversation with a non-christian guy friend, the topic came up of past relationships. I compared myself to Julia Roberts in Runaway Bride and he compared himself to Kevin James in Hitch. When he asked me more about this, this was my response.

I run from anyone that shows interest, whether they are icky boys or great guys. It is such a protective reflex for me to do. It might sound foolish to you, but I don't intend to get into a serious relationship with anyone I can't see myself marrying so I have been fortunate in that way. I feel like in a lot of things, God directs my life and I think this is definitely one of those areas. I have only been close to one guy and he knew me better than I knew myself. We were friends on project and then he called me when we were back in our respective states and he said that God had asked him to call me to find out what was going on. He knew before I knew I was upset and it was incredibly powerful. I think it was a glimpse of how my future marriage is going to be with whomever God chooses. Other than dates here and there, there have not been any serious relationships, but it has been a great thing. It has kept me from getting hurt.

He responded saying that I was being too guarded and that love needs to be about giving everything to another person. He said that even though he has loved and gotten hurt, he said that he wouldn’t trade it and that the pain was great, but that “love is the ability to look that fear in the eyes and knowing it is worth the risk. You can’t love without being completely vulnerable to the possibility of getting hurt that's part of giving everything to another person.”

I believe I have seen God tell me over and over again that I need to be patient and that I would know when He placed someone in my life to be a partner with for life. I consider that if I am vulnerable to the wrong person and I give part of my heart away to him that when we break up, I will never get it back. I want to keep my heart whole until God gives it away for me. I don't think that I am keeping my heart hidden in that way, but it has saved me from being an emotional whore as some people call it (at church no less! :) ). I think that there are a lot of reasons to "guard your heart (for it is the wellspring of life)" Prov 4:23 and "Don't excite love, don't stir it up, until the time is ripe-and you're ready. " (Song of Solomon 8:3-5, Solomon 3:4-6, Solomon 2:6).

I don't want to love someone with the love I should have for my husband until everything is right. I think there are many types of love. I believe that I can get to know someone and love someone without loving him intimately. I think that the only time you should really do that is when you have decided that you are truly meant by God to be together. I have witnessed so many Christian love stories through my friends and it is so much great and pure when the story is written by God. Do you think you will be able to forget the times that you had with your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend and get those first everything's back again? I can't open my heart to someone until I know they are committed to me and only me. I believe love is a risk, but that if I bring it to God, He will insure it and he will build it up.

God showed to me that I know his faithfulness in my heart and that I need to believe him that he will be faithful. I also realized that this conversation was an honest portrait of God. I hope he sees it as that and that he might want to know who this God is that is so a part of the Christian life that He cares who we date, how our relationships work and how much he creates a much better love life than the outside world.

God, I pray for anyone that is out there that hasn’t been immersed in your amazing love. I pray that they would want to know more and that they would seek you out earnestly through your word and by seeking the Truth through fact. I know that your love has been shown to me, but I believe in you not because of feelings, but what has been proven about you and your word.