Ministry

Tonight I went to an amazing concert. It was more like a church service. That is why I love to go to them. I love to go to concerts and hear the hearts of the artists. I love it when Christians are real even when it means that they have to show they are not perfect. Sometimes I am not vulnerable enough even to myself. I don’t realize when I am letting pride build up and I don’t confess it.

I want to confess my pride. I have not let myself be submissive to people… That has been changing in the last few weeks. I am in need of God’s grace and His Holy Spirit to show me the areas I need to grow and change and be submitted to Him.

Some people know that I want to be a missionary in the future but I don’t know that people know that I had a timeline. 3 years ago I was talking to my Dad and Mom and told them I wanted to be a missionary. They are not saved so they don’t understand that urge or even that kind of calling. I admit - someone that is working for God doesn’t seem like he has a lot of sense. For one, there is the money problem, you don’t really make a lot of money and a lot of the causes I am looking at require me to raise my own support. Two, I most likely will not be in a locale that is close to them and I may even be in a place that has no technology. Three, most people see it as me being as a bum. Yes, it doesn’t take any skills learned in college except sharing a small space with a large amount of people, little money and little acclaim.

So when my parents got so upset about it all, I decided that I would give 5 years to a career and then I would pursue full time ministry. I don’t regret it because I have had a ton of growth over the last five years and have made some amazing friends. I don’t even resent my parents for being so upset, they helped me pay for college, they raised me and again, they don’t know the love of Jesus that I do. The dept of his love is beyond my understanding. I am in awe. I am His servant.

So, at the concert Todd Agnew talked about people showing mercy, honoring God and honoring people. My best friend K was in town this weekend and while she was here she talked about an orphanage building missionary group. I want to work in orphanages (or colleges, or in villages) but my heart is not in S America where they were going. Then, when Todd talked tonight it hit me that I don’t’ want to go alone anywhere. If I am so worried about it and that has been my big issue, maybe I need to find a sister who will go with me. Whatever the case, I know that now, I need to work at finding a way into ministry. Maybe it is working for World Vision first here at their offices in Washington and then maybe as a coordinator in another country.
I don’t know, I am going to pray about it and see what God reveals but I am going to start positioning myself to possibly be somewhere else in the future. Whether God reveals a random village or working with a church, I want my life in surrender to God.